How many cheeses does it take to fly? NONE. THAT'S RIGHT SUCKAS. HAAAA! I just fooled JOOO.
All Presidential Nominee Penguins (Or, PNP for short) aside, let's go back to the story.
Okay. We're almost there now (SHUT UP JEREMY I'M TRYING TO DRIVE). A few more miles. And we'll be there.
(JERRRRREEEMMMYYY. I'M GONNA *bloop* your *bloopin* HIPPOPOTAMUS *bloop* *bloop* *bleep* CHICKENS *bleep* *bloooooooooooooop* HANDSTANDS? WHAT ARE YOU- *bleep* *bloop bloop* *BLEEP* Oh dogs I understand completely. Yes, yes I'll tell them.) Oh by the way guys, Jeremy sends his regards. Wait a minute.. I don't know any Jeremys. What are you talking about? Oh you oh so sillay people.
You know what you REALLY wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley?
Moving on.
What happened in the last journal? Angry beavers? Paintbrushes? Pfft yeah right. That was all in your silly willy imagination. And in mine too....
The beavers; there were thousands of them. I counted. "HEY STEVE! SARAH! JERRY! ADRIAN! HEY JIM! OHHH RICHARD HOW PLEASANT TO SEE YOU" and I waded through them. "CASSANDRA! AY-YO!" "WUSSAP BILL??!?!?! TELL ME WHAT'S GOOD, BILL!" and then they were gone. I love them. Suddenly I walk into another huge room. There, a man is sitting on top of... THE DISHWASHER! I FOUND IT!! I FOUUUNNNDDD IIITTT!!
Meanwhile the man is eating something. With a butter knife, he's scooping out and eating straight from the jar of... PEANUT BUTTER! "Mmm... ohh yeah" he says, scooping more into his mouth. "Oohhh.... this is good peanut but- OH MA GA THIS IS GOOD PEANUT BUTTER..." "oh yeah... I love this peanut butter... oh this is OH THIS IS IT IS!" And then with his mouth full he looks up and sees me. And then I look closer at the label on the peanut butter jar. "Wait a minute... that's MY peanut butter" I say angrily. With his mouth full he goes, "No.. no it's not" but it sounded more like "MPHMHGMPHHHHHH" BECAUSE HE TALKED WITH HIS FREAKIN MOUTH FULL THAT DISGUSTING PIG. "Yes... IT IS MY PEANUT BUTTER." I say. "NO!" he screams and runs.
"COME BACK HERE WITH MY PEANUT BUTTER" I scream. "NINJA CHAIRS; ATTACK!" he yells. 30 chairs fall from the ceiling, dressed in black. But they just kinda clatter and fall down. "NINJA CHAIRS! ATTACK!" He screams. But chairs can't move. They're inanimate. Silly silly man, he should have gotten ninja cows. the chairs looked like a pile o' gaabaagee and that's when I said "lol FAIL." he then recieved a very PAINFUL -emphasis on painful- blow to the fourth bone in his knee. NUMBA FOUR. OOH IT HURTS. He then yelled out something about the weather today and fell on the ground laughing. I chuckled.
So then I pulled out my handy dandy spatula and cooked up some burgers. "Mmm burgers" I said while slappin another on the grill. He then got up and said "CHOO CHOO MOO MOO" and those words stuck to me like glue for the rest of my life.
3 x 3 = 4 in MY textbook.
The burgers sizzled then ran away. "OH NO BURGERS COME BACK" I said. BUT THEY WON'T LISSTEEENNN. I then went up to the dishwasher *that he was no longer sitting on. oh ya* and put it in me pocket.
"I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN ME QUEST FOR DE DISHWASHER" I yelled. OH HAPPY SLAPPY DAY. I then did a victory dance which was a twist of a giraffe eating lasagna and a man with no arms and legs trying to yoga. It was quite the challenging dance BUT I DID IT AND I DID IT WITH STYLE.
I left the room and grabbed a plane with my big BEEFY hand. I jumped in the plane but I tripped and fell on my face. The pilot started crying so I read him a book. The book was called "How to conquer the universe and still have bologna as the overlord." It was filled with stories of a dog named skip who enjoyed eating frisbees. HE LOVED IT. But then I fired him. He was just NO GOOD in his job as pilot. So I took his place.
I then grabbed a microphone and yelled into it, "ALRIGHT KIDS IM GONNA FLY US TO DU MOON" the kids cheered me on. Bless those children. I grabbed that sticky thing that controls the plane. Haha sticks. So then I pushed the woozy woozy button *yeah they have that now* and we TOOK OFF.
Great flying I did. Great flying. But then I realized and thought too myself "HEY I PAYED TO RIDE THIS PLANE NOT FLY IT" and I jumped off. THEN I had AMAZING LUCK and fell into the starbucks where I needed to deliver the dishwasher. Oh you might want to look back to see why the fling dangles I had to get the dishwasher.
My quest was finally getting somewhere. Which is a good thing.
- Haman J. Palamanikikila just happens to be the main character of this amazing story and would like you to wash your hands with a fork and then use that fork to end world peace and start a war among the oceans.
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