Journal 5 - Are These Zombies Really My Friends... or are They.... Salads?

The Chinese vendor offered me some potatoes, because I already had ice cream.

I shook my head no and ran off. How did I get to China from South America? They're on opposite ends of the world. I thought the only two ways to get to China was by plane or by hole.

Pasta; mind you- far inferior to Italian pasta- filled the air. Wait. Allow me to rephrase that. Pasta didn't fill the air. No. That would be plain silly. The SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL of pasta filled the hair. Now I said hair. Dang it. You know what I meant.

I walked down the cobbled streets and soon a looming mall was in front of me. The Great Mall of China. It stretched for miles in every direction of 3 dimensional space; height, width, and length. Of course, to produce the goods for the Great Mall, and for America, there had to be the Great Factory of China. The Great Factory of China was underground, and covered 98.42% of Europe. A brief concept of taking over Europe by sending soldiers under target countries and invading from below flashed across the mind of China's leaders, but the plan was soon rated as "unsatisfactory", "random", and, "It'll just never work."

Any way, tens of thousands of people were in the mall, shopping, and doing their thang. I entered. And upon entering, I entered a whole new world. There was music, and lights, and lights, and music. There were shops, a gigantic food court, arcades, you name it. The shops consisted of clothes, games, toys, shoes, accessories, clothes, games, toys, accessories, and shoes.

It was breathtaking. I quickly ran off to frolic and play
Before I knew it, the shops were closing. I ran to the main entrance, and SLAM! baby SLAM!. The main gates SLAM! slamm'd shut. The lights turned off. I was trapped.

I wandered in the mall, metal gates over the entrances to each store. But, there was one store that was still open. From a distance, it looked like a Subway [Sandwhich shop. Not the underground mode of transportation. Idiots]. But, as I got closer, I realized it was something else. It was a Zombie shop. The light in the shop was still on, too.

And then, the rush came. A crowd of hungry zombies flowed from the restaurant, gnashing teeth and snarling at me. I shrieked of course. The thought of running never occurred to me until they grabbed my shoe. I shrieked again, and in an effort to run away, my shoe came off. The zombies chewed my shoelaces. I guess the previous sign was wrong- zombies just want a good shoelace to eat.

And the realization finally dawned on me. The human race has misinterpreted these peaceful beings the whole time. Zombies just chase you around because they want a good shoelace to eat. Not because they want to munch on your brains. I smiled. They looked up.

Crap. I started running.

- The Wondrous Wonderfully Fully Awesome Full of Amazing Adventures of the Super Cool and Awesome Haman J. Palamanikikila