Journal 7 - Peanuts. Always a Mystery to Me.

I hiked through the thick brush of the jungle. I don't mean a hair brush; although this place badly needed one. I soon met a walrus along the way. He offered me a bagel but I had to refuse. I refused man. CLICK HERE FOR AWESOMENESS.

Stupid old men. Always sticking their tongues out at people. What a freakin waste. Walrusses.

We were talking of Walrus, and of feet. Walrus feet. Yummy feet.

The Walrus looked at me, skeptically. He appeared to be sunbathing, on a rock. In the shade. "What do ya want?" he chirped to me.

"I need to find a man. His name is Gaklama Kalama. I was told he lives somewhere in the South America jungle, in Lima. Well... first of all, I need to find Lima. But not the lima bean, please, no beans." I still think, to this day, that he thought I meant the bean.

"Lima, eh?? Just walk back the way you came, and soon you'll come to an area of smashed trees. Don't wonder about what MADE the smashed trees, just pray and be hopeful you don't meet it. After that, you jump across the stepping stones in a busy rushing river. Then, you climb a small mountain of rock, and on the other side, is Lima. Here's a genetically mutated talking Map to help you find your way."

The Walrus gave us the map. It had large eyes, a mouth, and it started to sing. It was so freakin annoying.

"I'M THE MAP I'M THE MAP I'M THE FREAKIN MAP!!! I'M THE MAAAPPPP!!! NO NO SERIOUSLY DUDES. I'M A MAP. LOOK AT ME. JUST LOOK. IT'S OBVIOUS. SO OBVIOUS. I'M A MAAAAAAAAPP!!!! I'M THE MAP! I'M THE MAP! I'M THE MAAAAAPPAROONI!" sang Map.

"Oh gosh..." I said, shaking my head. This dude was a total idiot.

"There are three steps to get to Lima! SAY IT WITH ME!! Trees, River, Mountain! Trees, River, MOUNTAIN!! TREES, I SAY FREAKIN RIVER, MOUNTAAAIINNNNNN!!!!!"

Pfft. No way was I going to say it with him.

The Map then made a mad, yet disturbing, face and said "What the heck man, why won't you sing?!" then I was all like "Map, it's not my calling! I only sing if it's my calling!" He then gave me a hug and told me all about his fantastical, magical, weekend.

We left the Walrus to sun bathe. He seemed to be enjoying himself but looked like he needed some pants. Walrus pants, of course. They are cozy. Cozy like a blanket on your silly willy skin.

The Map and I then did everything the Walrus said. LIKE EVERYTHANG. We even did that dance he recommended. I know it doesn't say that so SHUTUP. JUST SHUT YO MOUTH! When we got to Lima we got a coffee. A Starbucks coffee. It tasted of blubber. The Map then pulled out a bubble blower and said "GIVE MEH DU MONAY!!"

I then said "Oh crap... I'm out of money." He said "Oh well, that's too bad" and jumped down a hole. A hole that is not fun to jump down. I then asked the cashier "Hey where's my mustard? I asked for mustard with my coffee." He didn't say anything. I then asked "Fine if you won't supply my mustardy needs, then where's Gaklama Kalama?" He pointed to the chef who was an old Russian woman.

Oh well. At least shes not smelling the forks.

- The Pretty Fricken Sweet Fabtastic Amazin like Raisins Adventures of the one and only Happy Slappy Haman J. Palamanikikila