AHAHAHA! YOU'RE SO FUNNY! GOOD JOKE MAN! GOOD JOKE!
You remind me of an artichoke I once knew..
I cry...
So anyways back to the story. That DELICIOUS story. The metallic fruit approached me with a look on their face like someone just kicked them in their rambugulars [ya it's an organ. LOOK IT UP!] They then said "You like... roaches?'' I said, "FREAK YA!" They then cried some explosive stuff. AW YA THAT'S GOOD STUFF!! They ran down the mountain and walked into a JCPenney's. They bought shoes of all sizes.
I kept climbing. I sang my favorite song all the way [Kick That Guy by Henry The Moose] I seemed to be screaming the lyrics, "KICK THAT GUY! KICK THAT GUY! MAKE HIM CRY! YOU'LL LOVE IT IF YA KICK THAT GUY!" I then approached a business man who was on the phone. At that point I was really getting into the lyrics and I kicked him in the face while saying "KICK THAT GUY, YA!" He fell on the floor in pain. He then started yelling at me and I peed my pants. He then laughed and screamed "HA YOU STUPID BABY. PEE YO PANTS." To which his partner on the other end of the phone heard, and somewhere far away, carried a puzzled look. He had a lot of explaining to do when he got back. Yes. Yes he did.
I then started wa- NOOOO DONT PUT THAT THERE! NO! NO! PUT I BACK! Whoa.. that was a close one. So anyways I then started walking up the mountain. I looked behind me. I saw a woman running around sayin' somethin' in Britainese. I went up to her, took a deep breath, breathed it back out, and walked away. I looked down the mountain. I had traveled about 3 yards. I was so close! I was tired. But I had to keep going. That dishwasher was alone and cold and I needed to comfort it.
I resumed my awesometastic climb, making sure my eellogofusciouhipoppokunurious cat was well fed. When I got there, a dendrochronological person was there, who stopped me and forced me to sing It's a Small World to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme song. It didn't fit.
I cried.
And cried.
And wiped my tears, sniffled a bit, and rubbed that cat I mentioned earlier with ointment.
Ointment. Ugghh gives me tha shivahs that's wha it does, mate. And that stupid idiom, "The fly in the ointment." Why? That's all I wanna know. WHYY?? I mean seriously, what STUPID fly would dare fly into some ointment? Doesn't he know all that awaits him is nice-smelling death? EHH??? DOES HE??? No matter. Back to my climb.
After singing It's a Small World, I punched that guy in du face and he cried. I felt bad, but now was not the time for answers. Or questions. Or questionable answers. Or answerable questions. Or unanswerable answers- wait what? Oh ya chicken nuggets.
Didn't you ever wonder why chicken nuggets is spelled so closely to Chuck Norris? I mean, there's chicken. Chicken. Chuck. Ya know, the whole square deal. Then nuggets. Nuggets, Norris, nationalism, ya know. The whole square deal.
Is it that chicken nuggets are Chuck Norris in food form? Does this then mean Chuck Norris is edible? But that means he can die if he's edible. OH NO COMPLICATED PARADOX I'LL ADDRESS YOU LATER.
Holy crap I get side-tracked easily. I need to focus on my primary goal, my secondary goal, trimary goal, and finally my ultimate quadary goal. Oh shnap that's a lot of goals.
WAIT A MINUTE. Let's recap my whole adventure. It is only now that I realize I've risked my life, escaped from impossible dilemma's, all because of a stupid Micheal Jackson CD that you can easily buy at Target's. Or Wal-Mart. You get the point.
Think about it. And REALLY think.
Are you thinking?
I doubt it.
If you had any normal thought processes at all, you wouldn't even be reading this journal, because normal thought processes are dull and monotonous. I LIKE USING BIG WOORRDDDSSS!!!!! I LIIEEKKKK IIITTTT. See what I mean with the whole side-tracking thing? My entire brain is a pulsing treadmill of thoughts.
Okay. Allow me to say what I must say. Before I start talking about butterflies. Wow... they're so pretty, and nice, and nicely pret- NO!!! I MUST NOT!!
Aw what the heck. Side-trackin ain't so bad. I mean who wants to hear about an awesome adventure all day? Don't ya wanna see the world? Universe? Bathroom? TOILET? Well I'm sure you do. And you will. When the time is left. Not right but left. The left time.
Time left.
Left time.
What?
I finally finished climbing the stupid mountain and found the cave.
"YA I FOUND THE CAVE WOO!" I said to myself in a loud voice that could be heard from Chili. I left the cave and jumped on a flying kangaroo. We flew to Chili. The Chililians started partying and they held a parade for me. IT WAS SO AMAZING I CRIED! They started to rub each others backs. I punched them all in the face.
They thanked me.
I then told them to go tell the mayor of Poobawooba Land that his shoes are tied. I didn't think they liked the plan very much 'cause they tied me to a rocket and sent me flying into a tree.
Ouch.
I died from the impact. An owl jumped out of the tree and rushed me to a hospital. The doctor there said "OH MY GOODNESS HE'S DEAD!" I then got up and said, "NUH-UH SISTA!" slapped the owl and left.
When I got outside I remembered the mission. The mission to go to the cave to go back to the Russian cook who will show me the way to Gaklama Kalama who would give me the documents which I would give to that Russian guy at the beginning of this journey who would give me the Michael Jackson CD. The CD that I just felt I needed.
Ya.
That's the plan.
I jumped in this portal at the side of the road. The portal took me..
Somewhere..
My last thoughts were....
What's with all the Russians??
- Ya Know Those Words Up There? Ya Those Words. They Are The Amazing Oozy Woozy Journal Entry Thingy's of That Guy Who Has a Face and I Called Him Steve Back in Community College Because He Preferred it From His Real Name Which is Haman J. Palamanikikila Which I Thought is a Better Name Than Steve but it's What He Preferred So I Went With it to a Magical Land Filled With Ding-Dong's and Ho-Ho's- Wait... HO-HO'S???
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